Positive, again!!!

This is not a review or look post today, neither a food related nor any other fun post, today I am here asking for your prayers.

It is funny how a single word can throw you into two totally different situations, one situation where you were elated and so happy that you felt on cloud 9 and another situation that makes you feel that the world is crashing at your feet. Positive is one such word. The situations I am talking about is one where the two pink lines on the pregnancy test kit emerged showing that I was pregnant eliciting thousands of emotions and another situation when I saw the word positive on my covid test report.

Yes, after 2 years of dodging it, it finally got me and I tested positive for Covid last November and trust me, this is NOT the test that you want to see positive. And you know the funniest part? I am Covid positive again. Yes, second time in a span of 9 months. I have been so careful ever since this whole thing started that everything feels extremely funny right now. We have been extremely cautious of whom we be around and where we go. It would be an understatement if I say that I had been maintaining social distance, I have actually completely distanced myself from the outside world, I have forgotten the last time I ventured out, I have been washing and sanitizing everything on earth like a maniac and still, here I am locked in my bedroom, away from my family, especially my infant daughter and nothing can feel worse than this.

Yes, it is true that physically I don’t feel too bad, except a fever that isn't going below 104 and a head that literally feels like an elephant is sitting on it- and mainly I just want to sleep, which has always been the case when I’m ill; but this disease, it takes a dire toll on your mental health. I feel absolutely horrible and I have been isolated in the back bedroom away from everybody. It’s killing me already.

The last time I tested positive Arini was just 1.5 months old and she is 10 months old now. If staying away from the 1.5 month old baby was tough, staying away from the 10 month old is tougher. Last time she was too small to miss me or look for me. Yes, she used to cry, but daddy dear could easily handle her. But now, as she has turned into the big lady that she is, she has started missing me and crying “mumma mummaa…” until I peek out of my isolation room. It is so painful, seeing those tiny hands trying to reach you with tears in eyes and you still not being able to hold her, love her and soothe her. This is breaking my mommy heart into million pieces. She tries to crawl to me but had to be dragged away. My heart sinks seeing her being taken away but that is for her own good.

The uncertainty is what making me anxious and staying away from family is worrying me. Last time, I did a RTPCR test on my little one and she came out to be negative. It was so painful to see her go through the tests. So this time we decided not to perform any test on her and let time decide everything. Thankfully my daughter is either negative or asymptomatic till now. I am also so thankful to have a mother-in-law, a mad sis-in-law and husband who has been staying up and taking care of Arini so I can mostly take care of myself.

This was the first picture taken after the end of Isolation after I got affected by Covid the last time.

I have been scrolling through old snaps (again) from last year today while I wait for these pesky Covid symptoms to subside. Looking forward to feeling fresh again soon so that I can hug my little one again. I can’t wait to cuddle her, kiss her, play with her. My heart just feels empty. Please pray that I haven’t gotten my baby girl or my other family members sick and for healing for our household. Prayers are most appreciated for my mental well-being as well. Thank you all! Staying positive is not exactly on my mind right now…